home. home home. always come back to home. its my favorite place. i never want to leave. i don’t even want to travel. ever. i just do it cuz i think its the right thing to do and try. i’m reserved. whatever has gotten ahold of me, i could just live inside for the rest of my life. well that’s not true either. but almost.

i felt hurt today. hurt feelings from what people can and can’t do in my direction. its hard to face. i can’t quite get the right angle on it…to really be able to face something there. but i’m heartbroken. and wish i didn’t feel so heartbroken and crippled by it. i am in ahw of people who maintain a good attitude about others. those who don’t get tired from social interactions. where each interaction feels like a chore. can i remember a time life didn’t feel like such a chore? maybe…maybe….some of the holidays…that moment on standing rock. hanging with my lakota buddies that were all like me…which and native. mixed.