i can hear the rooster making its loud noises over this small town. the crows are back. i have seen them on my back fence. just one. large oh so large thick and black. i hear other birds. i see light. my cats in bed. one looking out the window. my plant is green she’s ready for the summer that will come soon. my lamp shade is stained. my heart is full purple and red. myself awaits for never ending love and forgiveness.

i finished a post but want to keep writing never want to stop. want my thoughts to fill the pages until they lift me off into a time and space that i can handle with more grace. why do things need to be so difficult? i wonder why this page can’t be pink.

he said “don’t give it all away”. save some for yourself.

So I have only told one person about this endeavor. this blog. i love this blog so much because its like a secret portal into myself that no one can deny cuz no one knows this is me….well besides that one person i told. its these black letters on this pink tapestry that i finally figured out how to make pink. a pink tapestry. i love it. i can go in. create the world of my dreams on these pages. these web pages. i will have to carve time for myself to create this world. my dream world. a world where i do flip flops and summer salts. a world where i can tell my dad loves me and he is for my deepest liberation as a woman. a world where my mom is sober from drugs and alcohol. a world where pets live forever and rainbows connect us to ice cream cones and green full trees- everyone gets the care they need. no one is exploited. no one is left alone in deep despair. although…those deepest moments of despair i am not sure we can turn away. they are like bridges over a turbulent stream of sharks and alligators. the bridge is covered in weeds and all you can do is walk it and let it deliver you to the other side. what is this? and how did i get here and why is it so different and interesting?

i love my home. did i tell you? its huge. its a masterpiece like myself. i painted it pink. no i really did. and the rooms have all these gorgeous colors and there are five bedrooms. i am one person with three cats. i don’t need five bedrooms. i didn’t plan for that. or want that. or seek that. it just happened as i aged and people moved in and out and in and out then finally with a huff and a puff i blew them all away. it’s peaceful. my hand hurt. just noticing. they hurt.

my bedroom is pink and my bathroom was just remodeled. i have a shower now. wow. amazing. even the floors are heated. my cats love it. so do i. there is so much to love here. it’s pure beauty and i hope to enjoy it the rest of my life. all i want is to enjoy.

i wanted to make a great dance. there are lots of things i wanted but that was one of them. maybe more about that later.

my dance. it would be so moving that the audience would actually levitate and never think the same again. it would be so moving that the call for change to make things right would ring so loud that the vibrations would….sigh just got interrupted by a meeting. i’ll be right back!